No More Surprises.

Thank you for the beautiful trip in Bali.

Speaking to many different, new people… showing me your busy life of industry and happiness, made me as happy as one can be. But my world revolves around kindness.

Intelligence means to be kind, to be grateful, to be aware, to be careful and sensible – in your lifestyle, your emotions, your smiles in the morning, your love for yourself and those around who love you for yourself.

I realize now that love is accessible to anyone, and I will never turn my back on you.

But you will never touch me again.

As you said ‘The most beautiful things are not to be seen or touched. They must be felt from the heart.’ And my heart feels that you are true to yourself, and that is beautiful too. I will let this be, for you deserve only the best.

Drevilish

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Some people dream of dream homes, dream dinners before walking down dream beaches, dream man/woman, dream cars…

I’m sitting on my brother’s large white couch, overdosing myself on television to last me the entire month of May. And this is what I’m dreaming of:

The absolutely-perfect belted Gaspard Jacket from Justice’s collaboration with Surface to Air. Cost of dream? 800 Euros.

True Religion’s straight leg Jordan Boyfriend Jeans in Gunsmoke wash. Cost of dream? 246 USD

Some dreams can be left as dreams – it just isn’t rational to spend 800 Euros on a jacket while orphans go hungry in the night. On the same note, with the money I will have during my trip in Europe, I’m determined to not let it go to waste on niceties like big meals and shopping. Travelling and experiencing things alone for the first time is priceless in itself.

‘Is it a necessity, or a luxury?’ – quote: My mother. Advice to be used all the time.

New words formations:

Dundeel: To seal an agreement. Kudos John! for simplifying the phrase ‘It’s a done deal’ into a usable term.

Drevil: A devilish dream. (in case you were wondering about the meaning for the title of this blog: Drevilish gives meaning to a devilish dream of a non-specified state or form. Here, in this blog, the devil made me dream of mad-expensive fashion. E-TV promotes drevils, all the time.)

Detros: To be in order; complete. (flip the word ’sorted’ backwards, and you get this lovely word. Also a nice name for my future son.)

Stop That.

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Yesterday I woke up thinking ‘Fuck, I can’t breathe’.

It is one of the worst realizations a person could have.

I managed to pull myself together and drag myself into my brother’s car where he took me to the only open-on-Sundays clinic in Bangsar. It was so difficult to talk, difficult to walk, difficult to think and as I got strapped on the Nebulizer, I couldn’t figure out how it would feel like to be breathing again.

After I got injected with Liquid Ventolin by a huge needle because the Nebulizer couldn’t clear everything, my breathing felt better but my entire body was trembling and twitching.

And it still hasn’t stopped. I slept a record of 20 hours the past day, waking up this morning at 4am to watch Teen Witch (yes, the 1989 movie) on Youtube and passing out again. Teen Witch really does make it as a cult classic, does anyone else remember this movie?

Today I still feel like I’m deep in the well, looking up at a light right up there, not really recognizing it just yet. I’m foreseeing Wednesday to be back up to 100% power.

Good news?

I’m flying to Bali this weekend! For 3 days of continuous eye and spirit surprises with Martin. The new moon on the 24th makes transforming changes, I wonder what this would be.

The I in illness is isolation, and the crucial letters in wellness are we. - quoted in The Heart Speaks: A Cardiologist Reveals the Secret Language of Healing. So heal, we will.

Apart from that, I’ve been working on Psyyang, the Malaysian psychedelic clothing and decor store.

So here’s a clip from Teen Witch. I remembered rapping this when I was about 7 or 8. It’s an embarrassing memory, but an awesome movie.

And I do like boys.

A Free Dream

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Dreams are answers to questions we haven’t yet figured out how to ask.

“I am accustomed to sleep and in my dreams to imagine the same things that lunatics imagine when awake”, said Rene Descartes, in “Meditations on First Philosophy”.  Every night I allow myself to be quietly and safely insane.

We met at a festival, we both had a bottle of beer in our hands. You put your arms around me as I told you my secret plan. You said to me ‘Let’s go for a ride.’ and we jumped on a motorcycle. As I leaned my head against your back, it was warm and strong; and your shirt was calm and blue. Lush green trees lined our path on both sides. I still remember the warmth.

Your face was definite as we rode til we reached a high cliff. We sat on the edge and watched the deep canyon gorge. Then you stood up, held my right hand and took me into a temple with high white arches. We walked through the marble corridors around the temple before going back on the bike. You turned around before the engine ignited, giving me a kiss and then smiled the way you smile – bashful, sheepish and shy, with steady eyes directed into mine. I still remember the smile.

You took me to more places I couldn’t remember, stopping by a gas station to refill, once. You also told me what the tattoo on your arm meant – I wish I remembered what the explanation was. Looks like I have to ask you again, in person.

We found ourselves in a large aquarium shop with amazing saltwater fishes, corals and stingrays for sale. I wanted to buy an aquarium but did not find the suitable fish for it, so you took me away again. Next, we went horseback riding through a beautiful but sparse forest. My horse was chesnut, yours was dark brown. We got off our horses to enter a house where a man sat around an empty swimming pool with his wife and daughter. We helped him bathe his pet in the pool – a sedated white tiger. I still remember how soft it’s fur was.

I woke up thinking that this all felt like Grease 2, when Michelle Pfieffer went on a ride with the Mysterious Man on the Bike. Only this time, I knew who you were.

I’ve seen you before, and it was like having to watch my favorite Olympic sport live. It will not be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

I went back to sleep to see where we would go next. The dream lasted almost 6 hours.

You do not know how inspiring you are to me. I do not know how you even manage to do that.

Dream Interpretation Time! – in the color of your shirt.

To dream that you are at festival, symbolizes happiness, celebration and joviality. You are in a good place in your life right now.

To drink beer in your dream, represents happiness, fogginess, or inspiration. It also indicates that you have quite a social life.

To see one’s left arm as the emphasis in your dream, indicate one’s nurturance side and the ability to reach out and care for people. To dream that one has a tattoo, suggests that a waking situation or decision is having a much longer lasting effect that had been expected.

To see or ride a motorcycle in your dream, symbolizes your desire for freedom and need for adventure. You may be trying to escape from some situation or some other responsibility in your waking life. Alternatively, a motorcycle is also symbolic of raw sexuality.

To feel warmth in your dream, signifies contentment and satisfaction in your accomplishments. It also symbolizes hope and unconditional love. To dream of a shirt, refers to your emotions or some emotional situation. The shirt one wears reveals one’s attitude and level of consciousness about a particular situation. Blue represents truth, wisdom, heaven, eternity, devotion, tranquility, loyalty and openness. Perhaps you are expressing a desire to get away. The presence of this color in your dream, may symbolize your spiritual guide and your optimism of the future. You have clarity of mind.

To see a smooth road bordered by green trees and flowers, denotes a steady progress and steady climb up the social ladder. If the road is straight and narrow, then it means that your path to success is going according as planned.

To dream that you are standing at the edge of a cliff, indicates that you have reached an increased level of understanding, new awareness, and a fresh point of view. You have reached a critical point in your life and are afraid of losing control. Alternatively, it suggests that you are pondering a life-altering decision.To see a canyon in your dream, represents your unconscious mind and hidden feelings. It may point to emotions and relationships that you did not recognize.

To dream of your hands, represents your relationship to those around you and how you connect with the world. Hands serve as a form of communication. Perhaps you need to lend out a helping hand to someone. The right hand may also be a pun for some decision or something being “right”.

To see a temple in your dream, represents inspiration, spiritual thinking, meditation and growth. It is also symbolic of your physical body and the attention you give it. To see the floor in your dream, represents your support system and sense of security. It may also symbolize the division between the unconscious and conscious.

To see an aquarium in your dream, signifies that you have acknowledged your emotions but have not yet confronted them. Thus, it may refer to your unconscious thoughts or repressed sexual desires. Also, you may feel that your life is going no where or that you feel it is going in circles.

For a young woman to dream of seeing fish, portends that she will have a handsome and talented lover.

To dream that go horseback riding, indicates that you are in a high position or in a position of power. You possess confidence in your ability. Alternatively, it suggests that you will achieve success through underhanded means. To dream that you are in or walking through the forest, signifies a transitional phase.

White represents purity, perfection, peace, innocence, dignity, cleanliness, awareness, and new beginnings. You may be experiencing a reawakening or have a fresh outlook on life. To see a tiger in your dream, represents power and your ability to exert it in various situations. The dream may also indicate that you to take more of a leadership role. Alternatively, the tiger represents female sexuality, aggression, and seduction.

It was a most amazing dream. Dreams are free, so Free frees her dreams. Best on Sundays.

Buggered.

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I haven’t eaten all day and I’m hungry. So…

I’m wondering why some people are preoccupied with Burgers, more than other food combinations. Look at this.

Two things you can do with the pictures above – spot the odd one out and tell me, Why Burgers?

I’m not feeling my best today, even though my spirit soars. Must be just one of those days when you just wanna lie in bed and smile at each other.

Zoom: Full Resolution

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I found out recently that my idea to combine a USB Drive and a lighter has already existed and is on sale in the market.

I’ve been thinking about blogging so many times but just haven’t – instead I’ve been pacing myself easily into a stream of slow but steady activity throughout the days that past. Silence does not equate boredom, when you live in the moment there are always interesting things to ponder and find out about.

Last week I took a trip up to Johor Baru, the hole filled with palm oil trees, to see my old housemate and best friend Joanne, with her brand-newborn baby Zion Hendrix. Wow, babies are absolutely beautiful creatures and I always had a secret fear inside me about them until this one. Mixed German, Sri Lankan and Chinese, the future ladykiller is the only one who makes me feel good to be called Aunty in the near future.

Apart from that, I’ve been studying and researching lots and lots of information for my European itinerary. I received emails from 3 organizations in Greece – Aegina Wildlife Hospital, Cretan Animal Welfare Group/Chrysalis Greece & Nine Lives in Athens. It’s now set that I will be working for 3 months in Greece and I’ve never seen the universe rattle in excitement like this before. I’m going further from the moon and closer to the sun now, yessir!

So I’m thinking: the first month in June I will be in Paris for a week dancing and boosting off my trip with Roman, then head to Switzerland to catch up with my day-late friend Kaspar in Basel and Benjamin in Zürich. July is still uncertain – either the festivals in Germany (Antaris / Psycrowdelica) or work two weeks in the Roman Cat Sanctuary in Rome. August is set aside for Ozora Festival in Hungary and Aurora Festival with Myrto my Valentine in Thessaloniki, Greece. Then back to Athens, Corfu, Aegina and Crete for work until December.

I found a quote today on a psychedelic forum that says “yeh yeh yeh you look like a cyber baba/fairy princess/etc etc on a inward cosmic journey of discovery – but are you having a good time?” . It makes me wanna dance and meet people who do have a good, smart time at parties. I’m afraid to witness directionless hedonism again, I’m hoping to absorb and integrate ambition. If not from the people who dance, let it be the music.

And I tell myself to be brave about all this. All the time. And bring it back.

Airy, like ethereal.

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Riding up and down the somewhat treacherous roads of Koh Phangan on a hired motorbike is something everyone should experience once in their life. I do not really agree on the apparent hedonism found on that island, but the beauty of the ocean is worth every trip I make there.

There is beauty in so many places in the world I haven’t been to, but I felt the vibe of freedom being strong in Phangan and I will miss it.

This trip was full of psychedelic freaks, more than I have ever seen. It’s getting me ready for the Euro psy experience I’m about to face, I believe I’m ready for it. I met some wonderful people, and accomplished a few friends on this 4-day trip. I can only imagine what a 6-month trip in an unknown continent will do for my social life!

The Martin came down to KL again, which is always a wonderful thing. This time he brought a whole load of psychedelic clothes from http://www.high-clothing.com for me to sell. I wear some of them already, and I feel special. I hope Malaysian society chooses to feel special too and accepts this superb, colorful, natural new sense of fashion.

Selling clothes that make people look like faeries & pixies is fun. I trust Jo when she said parties are better when you dress up the people, not necessarily just the place. If you like this stuff, contact me!

This month the value of those I care about shines brightly, and I have never been happier. I wonder who said ‘What goes up, must come down’; it feels pessimistic. I am not currently manic, I feel fine.

There is one thing that could make me fly up, up even higher to the sky, and beyond. But it’s a secret and it involves soft colored eyes and distant dreams. Limerance is a funny thing.

I sit now on my mother’s balcony, back on home base island in Penang. The night sky is clear and I have been doing research all day on travelling solo and volunteering in Western Europe. I’m considering doing a 2 week to 1 month stint in the Thai Tiger Temple or the Elephant Conservation Center before heading off for the major adventure, wheee!

I’m gonna post the video that makes my heart go boom everytime i hear it. Ahem, namaste.

Ena Dio Tria Go

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My sister is married. Wow. I haven’t seen or spoken to her since she got married last Friday, it’s really sad. On Friday she will be moving to Brisbane, Australia, and already I feel like she left. As much as I think she’s rather stupid sometimes, I miss her.

On a good note: First Contact was a success. Alien Mental did not intensify PalatePalette until my ears started bleeding. Surprisingly he played an interesting, technical and clearly Greek-influenced set. Okay, I won’t be biased – he played a set infused with so many influences: an unexpected crowdpleaser.

Today I return to Thailand. I only have a ticket, no plan this time.

I wonder what I’ll accomplish this time.

Useful Being

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I’ve been waiting awhile for the pictures of our Holy Cow! event and finally they’re here. Yes, I forgot to bring my own camera again. I vow to not do so on our next party First Contact: 21st February 2009.

Holy Cow was a remarkable milestone for our Epic Tribe team – our most successful party yet. I was happy that our happy PR in Kanchanaburi paid off. Martin the Wonderful came in with 35 UV backdrops that instantly beautified PalatePalette’s upstairs interior: his colorful self brightened our days for 3 days and made me decide to send a Thank-You card to his parents in Germany. Samadhi played only a most dazzling set which opened the 170 crowd to the wholesome intelligence and true happy vibe of psy-trance. I’ve never met a genuine dragon like this man, and I’m glad I finally did.

It was remarkable to have our friends Om Project from Singapore come to our indoor gig for the first time, their presence and smiles always blooms bright like flowers that scream Boom!

I don’t think I have stopped smiling since, knowing that things could only get bigger and better from here.

The Year of the Ox cannot have started on a better note.

Since then, I have been researching and planning my Europe 2009 trip on a daily basis. I’m delighted to know that the Malaysian passport does not require a visa for almost all European countries unless I really want to attend Transylvania Calling – Gathering of the Tribes amidst the Transylvanian forests in Romania.

I’m most excited to finally leave this country (click here to find out exactly why). I really am very much looking forward to travelling by myself across a continent I know very little about, visiting friends and growing like a tree in the summer.

Target countries?

Germany, Switzerland, France, Hungary, Romania, Greece.

Time span?

Rough estimation of 7 months.

Mission?

1. To volunteer in at least 4 different countries in various Animal Welfare/Conservation organizations with a 2-week to 1-month stint in each country. Absorb as much European legislation and standard information as I can to return to Asia in the future and assist our animals for a better future.

2. To experience and absorb the workings of larger-scale psychedelic/music festivals and conduct networking for future Epic Tribe gatherings.

3. To lie in a field of sunflowers without the concept of time, laugh, and not get bitten by a multitude of allergy-causing insects.

In one week I will be definite:

I woke up this morning to a surprising SMS from WWF Malaysia calling me for an interview. Apparently I was shortlisted for the post of Senior Executive: Media and Public Affairs. This fantastic news put a halt in my step for about 30 seconds, after which I propelled off my bed for research and preparation. This is my dream: I will always be loyal to the world.

Both ways: Europe or WWF, it’ll be fantastic! I really hope everyone else feels the bright direction of the sun this year, externally and internally. It’s not a hard feeling to start, keep it up!

I found an Indonesian ska band I used to love in my teens: the track? Bebas Pusing (translated as Spin Freely). Let’s do just this.

Those 25 Random Things

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So there has been a little Facebook trend going on out there, where people write 25 random things about themselves, and tag their friends in the note so the process continues. I’m following the trend, but not on Facebook, because I have this little blog of mine.

No need to tag, this stuff is just random information, for you, about me.

1. I like DVDs with hard covers. Plastic covers can (and have) made me not want to watch a movie.

2. The moment I wonder if I am lonely, someone calls my name, or my phone.

3. Everytime I party for more than 5 hours, my back and shoulders start to ache. I think this means I subconciously burden myself with emotional/social responsibility, or it could be just my posture.

4. I have a morbid fascination since teenagehood about serial killers. Yes, the twisted the better. It’s not so much a preoccupation with death, but perhaps with psychology.

5. I grew up liking Both electronic and punk/heavy metal music At The Same Time.

6. I had a serious Bad-Boy Love-Syndrome when I was younger but now I believe nice guys finish last.

7. I have almost nightly dreams of Greece since the 2009 started. Never have I dreamt so much about one country. I think it means I have to go there, to see if the facts are straight.

8. You’d be surprised at how easily distracted I am by blinking lights and color schemes.

9. I was academically trained to be an artist, but always missed out on the final money-making classes. I still don’t complain about it and sometimes that scares me.

10. Animals are the only thing that make me bounce out of bed in the morning, apart from lots of alcohol the night before.

11. I almost always forget I own a pretty good Lumix camera.

12. No matter where I am, sunny or not, I sleep with my feet covered.

13. I believe inspiration is all that matters.

14. I want the Malaysian Animal Cruelty Fine to increase to a minimum of RM10,000 by the next 2 years. This is the international standard – necessary to animal welfare and general respect, why can’t we Malaysians have it for our animals that live around us?

15. It’s against my born religion but I know astrology so in-depthly I can’t help but believe in it. Not to tell fate, but on a functional personality level.

16. I do not believe in casual sex at all. It no longer means anything.

17. My close friends are my family. I don’t ever leave my family permanently. I’m proud to say they are parts of me, and for that I’ll never lose myself.

18. I tend to fall in love with people that have no ulterior motives. It’s nicer like that.

19. I can and would love to play Tetris all day, but I choose not to.

20. I was born on an island but never learnt how to swim. Yet.

21. I get my nails and hair done professionally, on a regular basis. Don’t judge me.

22. I strongly believe in ‘An’ ye harm none, do what ye will’.

23. My father once picked me up from the city elementary school in a horse carriage. I was embarassed then, but now I think it’s sweet.

24. I can’t ride a bicycle, but I can race you ten times faster on a good Arab horse.

25. I feel the need to moisturize my entire body after a shower, so I collect creams whenever I travel.