Harnessing

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Tuesday: 16th June

The Flower of Life.

Does it mean to be on a constant cycle of rebirth and rediscovery? When will you stop and think ‘This is me.’, without contemplating the future, and looking for signs into the past, to help your present? You are perfect as you are.

We have found our missions in life. We will continue to serve our own purpose, for the better of everyone.

I sit today in a perfect room, dim and romantic, on a high four-post bed covered with maroon curtains. At night we sleep in the flickering light of a little candle, the weather so cool outside that our bodies’ warmth without ventilation feels comfortable. Outside the river flows endlessly, the crickets chirp in the jungle, the gecko occasionally calls – reminding us of the simple, spiritual lives we chose to lead.

I’ve cared for no one, adored no one, as much as I do you at the moment. What is the secret? What is in the shadows – shadows I know exist through my intuition. It is not something I fear, and your mystery pulls me closer. I will face it if it harms me, and it cannot harm me more than a bad dream.

Snakes also don’t bite good girls and loyal women.

For one to heal, one must let go of all pain and suffering.

I continue to step in and out of a constant wave of meditation, here in Ubud. The ringing bells in the music you play outside allows it to automatically happen. Gratitude levels increase, energy up to a high, high green. I would certainly, strongly recommend getting in love, people.

Even if you don’t receive it back, do not expect. There is enough love inside everyone, I start to wonder if that is the true cause of global warming.

The heart really has its reasons that reasons ignore.

Wednesday: 17th June

Here I learn everyday in deeper depth that I thought: of my purpose in life, and learnt to strengthen my intuition – syncing into myself, syncing with you on our not-so-secret nonlocal and quantum level. I never imagined before that the existence of a deep spiritual connection like this with another would allow me to be this happy. Minus the desire for intimacy, and sensuality comes tenfold, intimate moments be like sensory fireworks.

Knowing that you sleep at night next to me, resting your restless mind while I rest mine, allows me a deep peace and passion I never felt before.

What is truer than truth? It is the story. I watched the TEDtalk on ‘Slowing Down in a World that’s Built for Speed’  and was inspired (it’s a habit these days) to just take slower steps and understand the patience that leads to imminent success.

And our parting… will be all I know of hell.

Thursday: 18th June

I admire you today, as always, but indeed as the stars state, all is bright and special.

Saturday: 20th June

Happy Birthday o’ Sacred Onyx! Today the world is yours, come what may.

The music plays deep, you surprise me every time! I know now you can also speak the darkness to me too. I accept it, as life without darkness would be without light. Two bright stars shine up in the sky. I will now dance for you and me.

30 minutes later. The deeper we go, the deeper we get. I slowly release my fear.

I see you smile and that’s all that matters. Deep complex emotions run through me, but I think, suffer and refuse to entertain it more than a few minutes or seconds at a time. I cannot leave you, and it hurts to see you and me in silence, attempting to enjoy the moment with a deep-seated fear of the unknown inside us.

I am yours. The decision is now mine, I realize.

Sunday: 21st June

The morning brings me warmth again over the cool temperatures. A black and white butterfly flies past, gravitating around the sides of the swimming pool below me where a tile-and-stone mermaid swims at the bottom while her boyfriend waits at the surface.

I’m letting the universe give me my answer. Is that you inside the treasure chest? I’m crossing over the rainbow now, power up baby, wait up! This chaos we face together is part of love, because it is infinite.

Magic, not magicK.

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So I was wading through the river to the other side when a huge dragon swam behind me, pushing me straight to other side.

I blinked, and I am in Bali.

Surrounded by beauty, truth, existence and cosmic significance. This home, where I sleep on a high 4-post bed of maroon curtains, is breathtaking. I’m left speechless as I write, on a balcony overlooking a jungle cliff, sounds of a river flowing, birds chirping and leaves rustling. There is a swimming pool below me, a mermaid swims inside as her partner leans against the rocks. This house made of stone and clay, fitting easily a hundred colorful people, healing the healers, inspires me beyond my comprehension. I cannot help but accept.

Last night our transfers of breath and spirit was truly a dream come true. Last night the dragon swam up, providing truth in a magnet between me and you. The smiling moon and the one bright star sat side by side in the sky – was our future discussed?

Air + Earth + Fire + Water: Venus in Water + Mars in Air
Air + Fire + Water + Earth: Venus in Air + Mars in Water

Today, June 14th, Mars has entered Gemini and I feel it already. This sync will go on, but it will be up to the both of us.

I remain quiet, absorbing the energy of this magical island. What is this charm?

Love Like Sushi

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The past 2 weeks have, for many reasons, been really happy for me.

Epic Tribe took a trip back in time, in the present, to have a reunion with the grounds that first took Malaysia into the psychedelic world. It was fascinating to watch in 827 the huge change that has taken place – musically, spiritually, artistically.

When we began it was just a little group of us, fans of Zirkin’s Super Song and Hujaboy, dancing on bubble wrap on the ground, wrapping curtains on the trees, laughing and circling one another like new ponies in a field.

Some of us grew to become horses. It feels, and I’m sending the hope out to the sky, that the independence and nobility of our lives will stay on.

I am leaving soon to Europe, it feels like the journey already started. I miss my friends already.

Something else has appeared in my path, something I foreshadowed through my dreams of whales but did not expect to be so special. It is a range of complex emotions currently running through me, a deep spiritual connection so open, and enlightening.

How do I harmonize myself without thinking too much of myself? Must I be more deliberate?

We have our moments.

Mantra of Freedom: 2905

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The direction of life is from duality to unity: Today I want to belong. I want to feel safe and at home. I want to be aware of what it’s like simply to be, without defenses or desires. I will appreciate the flow of life for what it is–my own true self.

Today I will remember the difference between being at one with myself and being scattered. I will find my center, my peace, my ability to go with the flow. The thoughts and desires that drive me are not the ultimate reality. They are just a way to get myself back to oneness.

I am living in many dimensions at once; the appearance of being trapped in time and space is an illusion: Today I will experience myself beyond limitations.

In the same way I will experience love as a light that begins in my heart and spreads out as far as my awareness can reach; as images arise in my mind, I will send love and light in their direction.

Adapted from The Book of Secrets, by Deepak Chopra (Harmony Books, 2004).

Mercury is back in town!

No More Surprises.

Thank you for the beautiful trip in Bali.

Speaking to many different, new people… showing me your busy life of industry and happiness, made me as happy as one can be. But my world revolves around kindness.

Intelligence means to be kind, to be grateful, to be aware, to be careful and sensible – in your lifestyle, your emotions, your smiles in the morning, your love for yourself and those around who love you for yourself.

I realize now that love is accessible to anyone, and I will never turn my back on you.

But you will never touch me again.

As you said ‘The most beautiful things are not to be seen or touched. They must be felt from the heart.’ And my heart feels that you are true to yourself, and that is beautiful too. I will let this be, for you deserve only the best.

Drevilish

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Some people dream of dream homes, dream dinners before walking down dream beaches, dream man/woman, dream cars…

I’m sitting on my brother’s large white couch, overdosing myself on television to last me the entire month of May. And this is what I’m dreaming of:

The absolutely-perfect belted Gaspard Jacket from Justice’s collaboration with Surface to Air. Cost of dream? 800 Euros.

True Religion’s straight leg Jordan Boyfriend Jeans in Gunsmoke wash. Cost of dream? 246 USD

Some dreams can be left as dreams – it just isn’t rational to spend 800 Euros on a jacket while orphans go hungry in the night. On the same note, with the money I will have during my trip in Europe, I’m determined to not let it go to waste on niceties like big meals and shopping. Travelling and experiencing things alone for the first time is priceless in itself.

‘Is it a necessity, or a luxury?’ – quote: My mother. Advice to be used all the time.

New words formations:

Dundeel: To seal an agreement. Kudos John! for simplifying the phrase ‘It’s a done deal’ into a usable term.

Drevil: A devilish dream. (in case you were wondering about the meaning for the title of this blog: Drevilish gives meaning to a devilish dream of a non-specified state or form. Here, in this blog, the devil made me dream of mad-expensive fashion. E-TV promotes drevils, all the time.)

Detros: To be in order; complete. (flip the word ’sorted’ backwards, and you get this lovely word. Also a nice name for my future son.)

Stop That.

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Yesterday I woke up thinking ‘Fuck, I can’t breathe’.

It is one of the worst realizations a person could have.

I managed to pull myself together and drag myself into my brother’s car where he took me to the only open-on-Sundays clinic in Bangsar. It was so difficult to talk, difficult to walk, difficult to think and as I got strapped on the Nebulizer, I couldn’t figure out how it would feel like to be breathing again.

After I got injected with Liquid Ventolin by a huge needle because the Nebulizer couldn’t clear everything, my breathing felt better but my entire body was trembling and twitching.

And it still hasn’t stopped. I slept a record of 20 hours the past day, waking up this morning at 4am to watch Teen Witch (yes, the 1989 movie) on Youtube and passing out again. Teen Witch really does make it as a cult classic, does anyone else remember this movie?

Today I still feel like I’m deep in the well, looking up at a light right up there, not really recognizing it just yet. I’m foreseeing Wednesday to be back up to 100% power.

Good news?

I’m flying to Bali this weekend! For 3 days of continuous eye and spirit surprises with Martin. The new moon on the 24th makes transforming changes, I wonder what this would be.

The I in illness is isolation, and the crucial letters in wellness are we. - quoted in The Heart Speaks: A Cardiologist Reveals the Secret Language of Healing. So heal, we will.

Apart from that, I’ve been working on Psyyang, the Malaysian psychedelic clothing and decor store.

So here’s a clip from Teen Witch. I remembered rapping this when I was about 7 or 8. It’s an embarrassing memory, but an awesome movie.

And I do like boys.

A Free Dream

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Dreams are answers to questions we haven’t yet figured out how to ask.

“I am accustomed to sleep and in my dreams to imagine the same things that lunatics imagine when awake”, said Rene Descartes, in “Meditations on First Philosophy”.  Every night I allow myself to be quietly and safely insane.

We met at a festival, we both had a bottle of beer in our hands. You put your arms around me as I told you my secret plan. You said to me ‘Let’s go for a ride.’ and we jumped on a motorcycle. As I leaned my head against your back, it was warm and strong; and your shirt was calm and blue. Lush green trees lined our path on both sides. I still remember the warmth.

Your face was definite as we rode til we reached a high cliff. We sat on the edge and watched the deep canyon gorge. Then you stood up, held my right hand and took me into a temple with high white arches. We walked through the marble corridors around the temple before going back on the bike. You turned around before the engine ignited, giving me a kiss and then smiled the way you smile – bashful, sheepish and shy, with steady eyes directed into mine. I still remember the smile.

You took me to more places I couldn’t remember, stopping by a gas station to refill, once. You also told me what the tattoo on your arm meant – I wish I remembered what the explanation was. Looks like I have to ask you again, in person.

We found ourselves in a large aquarium shop with amazing saltwater fishes, corals and stingrays for sale. I wanted to buy an aquarium but did not find the suitable fish for it, so you took me away again. Next, we went horseback riding through a beautiful but sparse forest. My horse was chesnut, yours was dark brown. We got off our horses to enter a house where a man sat around an empty swimming pool with his wife and daughter. We helped him bathe his pet in the pool – a sedated white tiger. I still remember how soft it’s fur was.

I woke up thinking that this all felt like Grease 2, when Michelle Pfieffer went on a ride with the Mysterious Man on the Bike. Only this time, I knew who you were.

I’ve seen you before, and it was like having to watch my favorite Olympic sport live. It will not be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

I went back to sleep to see where we would go next. The dream lasted almost 6 hours.

You do not know how inspiring you are to me. I do not know how you even manage to do that.

Dream Interpretation Time! – in the color of your shirt.

To dream that you are at festival, symbolizes happiness, celebration and joviality. You are in a good place in your life right now.

To drink beer in your dream, represents happiness, fogginess, or inspiration. It also indicates that you have quite a social life.

To see one’s left arm as the emphasis in your dream, indicate one’s nurturance side and the ability to reach out and care for people. To dream that one has a tattoo, suggests that a waking situation or decision is having a much longer lasting effect that had been expected.

To see or ride a motorcycle in your dream, symbolizes your desire for freedom and need for adventure. You may be trying to escape from some situation or some other responsibility in your waking life. Alternatively, a motorcycle is also symbolic of raw sexuality.

To feel warmth in your dream, signifies contentment and satisfaction in your accomplishments. It also symbolizes hope and unconditional love. To dream of a shirt, refers to your emotions or some emotional situation. The shirt one wears reveals one’s attitude and level of consciousness about a particular situation. Blue represents truth, wisdom, heaven, eternity, devotion, tranquility, loyalty and openness. Perhaps you are expressing a desire to get away. The presence of this color in your dream, may symbolize your spiritual guide and your optimism of the future. You have clarity of mind.

To see a smooth road bordered by green trees and flowers, denotes a steady progress and steady climb up the social ladder. If the road is straight and narrow, then it means that your path to success is going according as planned.

To dream that you are standing at the edge of a cliff, indicates that you have reached an increased level of understanding, new awareness, and a fresh point of view. You have reached a critical point in your life and are afraid of losing control. Alternatively, it suggests that you are pondering a life-altering decision.To see a canyon in your dream, represents your unconscious mind and hidden feelings. It may point to emotions and relationships that you did not recognize.

To dream of your hands, represents your relationship to those around you and how you connect with the world. Hands serve as a form of communication. Perhaps you need to lend out a helping hand to someone. The right hand may also be a pun for some decision or something being “right”.

To see a temple in your dream, represents inspiration, spiritual thinking, meditation and growth. It is also symbolic of your physical body and the attention you give it. To see the floor in your dream, represents your support system and sense of security. It may also symbolize the division between the unconscious and conscious.

To see an aquarium in your dream, signifies that you have acknowledged your emotions but have not yet confronted them. Thus, it may refer to your unconscious thoughts or repressed sexual desires. Also, you may feel that your life is going no where or that you feel it is going in circles.

For a young woman to dream of seeing fish, portends that she will have a handsome and talented lover.

To dream that go horseback riding, indicates that you are in a high position or in a position of power. You possess confidence in your ability. Alternatively, it suggests that you will achieve success through underhanded means. To dream that you are in or walking through the forest, signifies a transitional phase.

White represents purity, perfection, peace, innocence, dignity, cleanliness, awareness, and new beginnings. You may be experiencing a reawakening or have a fresh outlook on life. To see a tiger in your dream, represents power and your ability to exert it in various situations. The dream may also indicate that you to take more of a leadership role. Alternatively, the tiger represents female sexuality, aggression, and seduction.

It was a most amazing dream. Dreams are free, so Free frees her dreams. Best on Sundays.

Buggered.

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I haven’t eaten all day and I’m hungry. So…

I’m wondering why some people are preoccupied with Burgers, more than other food combinations. Look at this.

Two things you can do with the pictures above – spot the odd one out and tell me, Why Burgers?

I’m not feeling my best today, even though my spirit soars. Must be just one of those days when you just wanna lie in bed and smile at each other.

Zoom: Full Resolution

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I found out recently that my idea to combine a USB Drive and a lighter has already existed and is on sale in the market.

I’ve been thinking about blogging so many times but just haven’t – instead I’ve been pacing myself easily into a stream of slow but steady activity throughout the days that past. Silence does not equate boredom, when you live in the moment there are always interesting things to ponder and find out about.

Last week I took a trip up to Johor Baru, the hole filled with palm oil trees, to see my old housemate and best friend Joanne, with her brand-newborn baby Zion Hendrix. Wow, babies are absolutely beautiful creatures and I always had a secret fear inside me about them until this one. Mixed German, Sri Lankan and Chinese, the future ladykiller is the only one who makes me feel good to be called Aunty in the near future.

Apart from that, I’ve been studying and researching lots and lots of information for my European itinerary. I received emails from 3 organizations in Greece – Aegina Wildlife Hospital, Cretan Animal Welfare Group/Chrysalis Greece & Nine Lives in Athens. It’s now set that I will be working for 3 months in Greece and I’ve never seen the universe rattle in excitement like this before. I’m going further from the moon and closer to the sun now, yessir!

So I’m thinking: the first month in June I will be in Paris for a week dancing and boosting off my trip with Roman, then head to Switzerland to catch up with my day-late friend Kaspar in Basel and Benjamin in Zürich. July is still uncertain – either the festivals in Germany (Antaris / Psycrowdelica) or work two weeks in the Roman Cat Sanctuary in Rome. August is set aside for Ozora Festival in Hungary and Aurora Festival with Myrto my Valentine in Thessaloniki, Greece. Then back to Athens, Corfu, Aegina and Crete for work until December.

I found a quote today on a psychedelic forum that says “yeh yeh yeh you look like a cyber baba/fairy princess/etc etc on a inward cosmic journey of discovery – but are you having a good time?” . It makes me wanna dance and meet people who do have a good, smart time at parties. I’m afraid to witness directionless hedonism again, I’m hoping to absorb and integrate ambition. If not from the people who dance, let it be the music.

And I tell myself to be brave about all this. All the time. And bring it back.